Tailor-made, boys, tailor-made

On the way back from the hospital, I had some woman following me with a dog. She had white skin and bright ginger hair and her little dog kept straining on its lead, barking and yelping and whining and barking and yelping and whining - never stopping - straining and barking and yelping and whining and barking and yelping and whining. The woman had crossed over the road, dragging her dog with her and was walking behind me shouting at me: "you don't deserve it, you don't - you don't deserve it..." It was driving me nuts, she went on and on, the dog went on and on, they wouldn't leave me alone. In the end, I just covered my ears and ran until I had lost them.

I found myself in front of a trendy-looking fish and chip shop. As I was peckish, I thought I'd pop in. The door was locked when I pushed at it, though. I checked the notice for opening times and saw that it should be open, so I knocked on the glass door. Inside were two people talking to each other across a table. A woman who was facing me and a middle-class man who had his back to me. The woman looked up when she heard me knock but just shook her head slowly at me. Even after I had gestured to my watch and then to the notice with the opening times on it, she shook her head again and then looked back to the middle-class man and continued her conversation.

I couldn't understand it. According to their notice, they should clearly have been open. So, I started banging violently against the big glass windows with the flats of my hands and shouted "I killed some animals with a hammer... I say..? I say..? I said I killed some animals with a hammer..."

The woman looked back up at me and, not taking her eyes off of me, fumbled across the table with one hand to pick up the telephone, dialled three numbers and started talking into the receiver, still looking straight at me.

At that moment, the middle-class man suddenly whipped around in his chair and, with the vehement chagrin that only a miffed member of the middle-class can muster, threw something straight at me with surprising strength. Bang! It hit the window and really made me jump. After a fraction of a second, it peeled away and fell to the floor, leaving an oily residue on the glass. I think it was a perch.